Cherry Coloured Funk

On the morning of October 22nd, my father had a heart-attack and passed away. It was all very quick and, I believe, almost painless.

We found him between the kitchen and the TV room, lay on his right side with his head resting on his right hand and both his legs close to the other. His face had such serene expression that you couldn't believe that he wasn't just sleeping. That's why I think it was somewhat, if not, painless. Otherwise, he wouldn't be laying like that and with such calm demeanor.

I cannot express in words what this truly extraordinary man means to me. He was not only my father: he was my best friend like no other, the man that loved me the most and, who knows?, the only one who ever will. No one will ever treat me with such respect and kindness, no one will ever care for me like he did. Because with every action and word I could feel his love. He never had the necessity of saying I love you nor did I ever feel the need to hear it; it was always there, with every smile, every silly joke that he so loved to tell,... Really, there are no words. I just need to vent.

I've always dreaded this moment, the time when I'd have to face a parent's death. Nights and more nights I lost sleep thinking about it! And how many times have I planned that I'd kill myself after they were gone? The most common thought was that I'd die naturally, probably choking on my own tears like once I almost did. Yet, I feel absolutely calm. Sometimes blue, yes, but it's a fruit of missing his material presence and I know that'll get less hurtful with time. Many will find it weird that I can't even cry for his death longer than a minute - fact is I don't control it, that's how it goes for my mother and brothers as well.

I still feel him near us, even stronger a presence now. Also, a quiet and gentle revolution started inside of me the moment I saw myself alone with his body at the morgue. It's as if I automatically inherited his strength and compassion to carry on. With that I was able to see things more clearly, solve part of the problems that had me all tangled up for years. It only saddens me that I won't have him near me to HUG and learn what he thinks of the steps I'm taking. Mostly, I terribly miss hugging my father.

I wonder if, without all this, would I have learned that death is not to be feared and it's not a punishment? I don't know, guess I would be hugging him like I always used to but still taking for granted the most valuable lesson he ever taught me in life. He'd be here for all the hugs I could give in a day, but he'd be suffering with his heart disease, taking all those pills, feeling the pains that comes with it, having to endure hardships that all of us must face on this planet, ... Now he doesn't and I'm finally comprehending what all his advices and attitudes meant. I can't bring him from the dead and, even if I could, I wouldn't. He deserves peace - peace and quiet he adored so much.

I'm still right here. And I'll make the best of it taking from his great example. My username on LJ does not represent me anymore: I'm no longer empty nor was I ever.

When the time comes, I'm certain I can hug him again. :)

There's this thing I do that is almost subconscious... I never learn more about some artists I like. I guess it's fearing they'll turn out to be douchebags.

I never really looked Yoshitaka Amano up because, frankly, I don't need more reasons to adore his work and I could pass without any news that he's an idiot.

Out of the blue though, I did a quick search today after so many years.

( OH GOD HELP ME )

ETA: It seems my profile header disappeared. Time for a new one, hopefully with a layout for the journal.

I haven't typed a word about the Beijing Olympics here? How come?? It's true, I don't follow every sport and I favor mostly Brazil, but I love the Olympics games, winning or losing. Not even all the controversy surrounding this edition had my excitement diminished.

( Long blablabla )

Before I go, let me share one more thing: I was born in 1983 so I didn't get to see the Moscow Olympics. I know it's silly and strange, but it's as if I was there...



... and cried with Misha. It happens every time I watch it. I had tears in my eyes the first time I heard about this closing ceremony and, more often than not, I'll get emotional if mentioned. I have no idea why? All I know is that whoever came up with all this was a genius/had a moment of sheer brilliance. The song is so heartbreaking although I have no idea what the lyrics says! And Misha going away, probably with something that also belonged to me...

Dude, this shit is fucked up! Damn reds. xD

ETA: Talking about mascots, here's my desktop for the past three weeks or so:


They're lovely, I like the concept most of all. Good design indeed. Check it out.

ZOMG!!!!!!! How the hell did I just see this now???
Not good quality, shaky cam of doom, but bear in mind whoever recorded this is a real trooper. This teaser was shown in secret at the last Comic Con.

I'm usually extremely skeptical of sequels/remakes/adaptations butGODDAMMIT WHERE CAN I TRADE MY SOUL FOR THE REST OF THIS?!I'm nearly in tears, that's how frigging excited I am!!

Also JEFF FUCKING DUDE BRIDGES, ok?!? Ok!!

Is it 2011 yet? :O

Two posts in one day?? It's been a while since I last did such a thing. Bear with me (or just keep scrolling).

Virtual cinema is the future, mark my words.

I just saw Braindead with dylanparker (we are practically neighbors, mind you) and it was so much fun that my sides are still hurting from all the laughing.

The film itself is EPIC, holy cow! So much so that I'm even beginning to forgive Peter Jackson for that stinky pile of shit that was The Frighteners, something that not even Heavenly Creatures nor the LotR trilogy was able to. Good thing I never watched King Kong, I guess.

( Check out my long lost zombie-son! )

Next in line is Cannibal Holocaust: not exactly a walk in the park but, knowing quite well the wuss in me, we have a plan B. We like our zombies in any shape, color or orientation - no discrimination.

Ah, how fucking grand!

I have no money now, bitches, why in the blue fuck do you tell me this DVD is available for purchase NOW and not a week ago? WHY? :C

ETA: I'm stoked to watch 'I Want to Believe' no matter how many bad reviews it gets. I don't even care for Batman, I WANT SCULLY/MULDER SMUT. Aliens & plots can die in a fire for all I care.

Y'all will think I'm crazy for reacting like this for a show. Go ahead, add "what a whiny bitch" if you feel like it.

I do love Belém but I'm fed up! I feel like I don't belong. Blame the media brainwashing me since forever but I can't relate to most things here. Music would be the ultimate example. It's not because I think it's shit (although a good part of it IS utter shit but that's a global problem, Belém is far from being the only place suffering from lack of actually relevant and talented artists), I just happen to not like it. At all in some cases. I'm no less a belenense for it, now I see it, but having to deal with this shit daily for as far as I can remember has fucked up my head in many ways.

I like rock and electronic music, to put it simple. The scene here is starting to slowly grow but it's far, veeeeeeery far from actually grabbing my attention. Not my thing up until now. Rarely a brazilian band that I like comes here, can you fucking imagine when an international one will? Never, mark on your calendar.

Meanwhile, other cities are getting amazing gigs and I can't go because, oh well, usually it would take me about 3 days by bus or 2-3 hours by plan - considering I had cash to either, of course.

I can't even begin to explain how fucked up this situation is for me, it really affects me. :(

In other sucky musical news, Last.FM just launched barfed not only a new layout but some new features as well.

Oh man. OH MAN. Just found some Jim Henson's memorial videos on YouTube. I'm tearing up like the old fool I am.


I was brought up on Muppet Babies and Muppets Take Manhattan, not to mention Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. That was quite enough to develop a mad love for his work (as well as Frank Oz's <3). Up to this day I love the Muppet's, I owe him and his colleagues a ton of good memories.

It's so reassuring to know that I was not the only one, that his work has fueled the imagination and brought joy to the life of kids and grown ups alike. That people do recognize his art and celebrate it. :`)

This post is about Monica's Gang, a brazilian comic. Carry on.


Acabei de saber disto, então perdoem se minha reação os sujar de víscera.

É idiotice minha, sei que vai passar. Vou procurar dar uma olhada numa revistinha, é lógico. Mas não posso negar que meu coração doeu quando vi isso. Provavelmente porque tenho a maldita Síndrome de Peter Pan e isso é um tapa na cara. Ou porque sou nostálgica pra cacete e seria como tentar negar minhas memórias (rsrs q?)... Enfim, escolhe um aí.

Se fosse a Turma da Tina entrando na Idade do Condor, nem ligaria. Qual é a próxima? "As Novas Aventuras da Turma do Penadinho: Reencarnados & Adorando"?? :(

I'm a bit confused. My Last.FM subscription should have expired last Friday/Saturday. Only it didn't? I got their notification email and saw I had one day left on the subscription page (Friday). It's Monday now, nothing changed. I still have the blue icon and can listen to my radio, tags etc. Not that I'm complaining! I'm just confused and curious. hehe

At first I thought it was a cache problem or a glitch in their system, but dylanparker is probably right: I got a few more days/a month for free since I gave two other people one month subscription each. You know, the tags radio system is ♥ and I was going to renew my subscription mostly because of it, so I'm happy.

On a more personal note, I'd like to announce that my lower maxillae is now rightly accommodated where it should be, thankyouverymuch. Story time: my jaw dislocated to the right one night in 2005 (not shitting you) while watching TV. I like to think it was the wrath of God striking upon me for watching a particularly terrible mexican soup opera (oh look! it has its own damn wiki entry!).

Around 8 months ago, I've been feeling ill with nausea, dizziness and all those fun symptoms of a stroke; this past Saturday I was having a "crisis" (feeling all that at the same time) and I started to push my jaw to the left, I don't even know why I did it at the time. I just did and it made this loud *CRAACK* noise that even my mother heard from across the room. Suddenly I felt peace and all I could think was "FUCK YEAH I FEEL BETTER".

Yes, I spent almost 4 years with a fucking dislocated jaw, thinking I was about to suffer a stroke, all because one day I decided that that blond mexican actor looked hot enough to distract me. Hardcore\m/

He was impossible that day and this was the only decent shot I could get. Which is weird since he's quite the Gisele Bündchen, loves to strike a pose. Maybe I need to pay more...

How long is a year in a dog's life? 7 human years?? I can't remember and I gave up looking it up on Google. Dida is 9 so that'd be 63 dog years. No matter how old, he's still my chewbacca puppy - he acts like one anyway. :3

Son of JR and Shayna, Dida was born somewhere in February 1999. Loves yogurt, persimmon and buttered corn; always very happy, addicted to cuddling and has a thing for sleeping on top of tables. He's hero/alpha male is my dad, duder is crazy about my father. Oh, and he likes shaking hands/paws.

This post is completely futile but it has ( eye-candy. )

This is the most heart-breaking piece of fanfiction ever, imho.

It finally happened: I just spent 9 dollars on LastFM and now I have a blue icon. ;_;

For future laughs: first time ever listening to my own radio without the aid of a sock-puppet and the first song played is a Yeah Yeah Yeahs one... WHADAFUCK?!

I had another health scare today and lemme tell u guise: to realize how your death could affect your parents is life-changing.

In other words: I may be going straight-edge/health-maniac from now on. UNBELIEVABLE OGUË

ETA: I forgot to mention, sorry.

I had what I believe was an hepatic crisis (my liver still hurts, at least). Plus all that nice stuff that happens when you're drunk/hangover... only, you know, I wasn't. My perfect Murphy's Law Timing(tm) made me faint right in front of my parents who proceeded to freak the fuck out. Being that father is cardiac and mother suffers from glaucoma, I freaked the fuck out when I came to, of course.

I still have my father's screams in my head, I wish I was joking.

My favorite past time of the moment is YouTube Einstürzende Neubauten videos to infinity (seeing as I can't fucking stop listening to them now). Blixa amuses me to no end! I specially like his interviews where he acts extra douchey - it's a thing of beauty and never fails to crack me up.

Like so...

Poor thing, she managed to be more nervous than I would be and that's saying something. Blixa has no patience whatsoever and I love it, don't even ask me why.

But this is something different and takes the cake so far:

For the embeded video impaired (or just lacking patience), it's a live video of the Bad Seeds performing 'Where the Wild Roses Grow'... without Kylie. Guess who got to do her part? *bat eyelashes*

Dude, I bet he was thinking "fuck this shit, I'm out" while he tried to read the lyrics from the Murder Ballads booklet but was too drunk to get the notes right. And Nick taking the piss?? I love it!! He shakes his head and I bet again his thoughts were something like "u-uh don go der gurlfriend~~", the whole thing is perfect.

I'm lolling MAD here.

FATALITY - NICK CAVE... WINS!

Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries ,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at
(moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish - at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that's driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics.

This brings back so many memories and yet, it feels fresh.

Wenders and U2<333

A friend once told me he 'Googled' my name/nickname into oblivion in order to find out what I've been up to lately. You know, it's easier to stalk me through Goggle than actually hitting me up by email. :P

Can't blame him - it's quite a good way to waste valuable hours that you should be investing on workfun! :D

By now you must have realized that it was my first time doing it; cue the "oh shit, don't tell me you never googled yourself before! ho sit the fuck down!" thoughts. Yeah get heavy on the point and laugh action, I deserve it.

So yeah, "GOOGLE THYSELF, NINA! Do it for shits & giggles wth" the lazy devil inside my head said. I obey and it was not fun (I lied, sorry) but it was quite informative. First hit was my portfolio hosted at Akizuki, then something about me on UFPA, other about me being in a Crime & the City Solution fanlist, an old as hale comment on Vice magazine (ye gods!) trying to rationalize that heavy drug use does not equals to "cool & creative"... This post isn't about those though. I bring you the giggles: I CAN HAS UNIVERSITY and LOLGEOGRAPHY (I had no effing clue about that one but I did know about a Korean kingdom named Tamna, a fantastic one if I recall correctly, but that was it).

Allow me: Ha. Hahahahaha. Haha.

Now that I took that off my mind, maybe I can try and actually do some work... What you say? It's almost 3 am? Alright, that settles it - no more work for today.

V. happy right now. Reasons?

- My mother arrives today from her trip to Maceió;
- Chatting with blackgerbera after a long time;
- Bauhaus, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Nine Inch Nails and modwheelmood released new sweet albums -- that's 4 bands of varying levels of sheer awesomeness imo. Also instrumental! In heaven, brb;
- My beautiful Arsenal, that I love so dearly, making me proud. <3

As a way to celebrate this rare event I even had this monstrous cup of coffee with no sugar at first and then with way too much sugar later on. I didn't even drink half of it, I don't like coffee. What the fuck was I thinking?

Oh yeah, right. Too hyper and giddy to think clearly.

Now I'm off to lend somebody's international credit card so I can properly purchase 'Ghosts I-IV' and 'Pearls to Pigs vol. 1 & 2', since Bauhaus and Nick Cave are easierpossible to find around here (although that'd cost me my lungs).